Does Virginity Signify Purity?

Today’s post is by my daughter Courtney. She has such a unique and personal perspective which I feel certain will encourage you.

Courtney

 

At a young age I found myself in love with an incredible man. I had a singular focus and couldn’t be bothered by the other boys I found myself surrounded by. The only problem was, my sister and I were in love with the same man. Shocking, I know. My poor mother! Before jumping to conclusions, let me explain my unusual behavior.

I grew up in an environment that encouraged open communication, purity, and, the notion that true love waits. From an early age, I decided that all I wanted to do in life was get married and have the cutest of all babies. Then, the man I mentioned came along and my perspective changed. I realized that love really did exist and I didn’t want to give my heart away to any young chap. This man, however, was certainly not a young chap. My sister had the same sentiments.

How did this all happen? Well, my sister and I both attended a conference that talked about how dating young was pointless. Nevertheless, we left the conference infatuated with this dreamboat of a man. To be honest, it all feels a bit foggy now. In any case, we left totally, completely, and utterly in love with…Jesus. From that point on we both made a commitment to wait to date until we were at least able to consider marriage.

From the sweet age of 12 I made a commitment to not date until I was 16. When I was 16, I extended it until I was 18. By the time I turned 18, however, I was smitten with Jesus. He was the perfect gentleman, protector of my heart, friend, lover, and pursuer. He loved me well and his grace was astounding. From that point on I stopped looking for prince charming and embraced Jesus. I even went as far as to rip up one of my old journals written to my future husband. Yes, this was probably a bit dramatic, but if you knew me you would know that I tend to be a passionate person. *chuckle*  I sort of wish I still had the journal, because it was really sappy and I’m sure extremely embarrassing but the remains are now strewn about in some random landfill.  Oh well.

With a brief glimpse into my story, I wanted to share some of my thoughts regarding dating and purity. When I was younger I believed that purity was simply abstaining from sex. As the years have gone on, however, I have come to discover that purity is more of an attitude of the heart. While I used to wear my purity ring with pride and flaunted my virgin lips with superiority, I have come to understand that purity of heart can still be tainted with my v-card intact. This revelation all started with a friend of mine. This friend got married to an incredible man, but he had a past. I had considered that this might happen to me, but only briefly. Nevertheless, the whole situation, along with a few other circumstances, caused me to wake up a bit and realize that my thinking, regarding purity, had a serious flaw. You see, I waited, but it was stemmed in religion and it was attached to the lie that if I waited then there would be some magical prize at the end of the tunnel and if I didn’t then I would be in big trouble. Never a big fan of getting in trouble, I lived in fear and it ruled my decisions.

So, I waited.

I waited because I was told to.
I waited to please my husband.
I waited because I didn’t want God to be mad at me.
I waited because I wanted to avoid sin.
I waited to avoid pregnancy.
I waited because I believed the alternative would have caused my parents to have a heart attack.
I waited because it seemed like the logical thing to do.
I waited because I lived in fear and, to be honest, did not get out much.
I waited to have sex, because it was biblical.
I waited because my close friends waited.
I waited because I wanted a good story.
I waited because I thought that if I waited then my future spouse would wait too.

I might have waited, but I waited for the wrong reasons.

Most of my life I waited upon many things and inadvertently lived deeply within religion. Religion was my god.  Doing “the right thing” was my life.  Pointless.  mucolytic drugs over the counter uk viagra Religion without relationship is dead. 

I have been serving religion and have missed living within relationship. Sure, I have had glimpses of what this relationship might be like, I mean, come on, I practically dated Jesus, but I want more. I mostly want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that  http://buy-generic-clomid.com this  relationship, with Jesus, is not because of my own doing.

http://millsys.co.uk/?search=viagra-professional-best-buying Grace.

I want to know that I am so fully embraced by the Father that I can make any choice that comes my way, but I will choose not to simply because I am embraced by Love.

I want to make choices from a place of love versus fear.

Would I have waited if I knew all along that I was fully embraced by the Father? Absolutely. But I would have waited because I wanted to and not because I felt like I had to. I would have viewed my purity as a gift instead of a “right.” I would have thanked the Father for holding me and keeping within His grasp. I would have responded differently to the pain and suffering of others, because I would have known that He had them too. I would have run towards the pain instead of cowering away in judgment and reaping the fruit of my thoughts. I would have forgiven easily, because like my purity, grace is a gift. It is a free gift. There is nothing expected by the recipient.

Even a gift, such as virginity, can be restored. Purity can be redeemed. If purity is what matters, I would rather be pure in heart and mind versus just pure in body. go here Virginity does not signify purity. You can still be pure even though you may have made different choices with your nether regions. I hope you can see what I am getting at. I am simply trying to convey that virginity is not the goal, but it is a beautiful gift to give at the proper time. When virginity becomes the goal, chances are there is a bit of religion and fear interlaced. The fruit of this mindset is judgment and fear versus love and freedom.

I feel like this is important for parents to hear. Instead of harping on virginity, speak identity to your children and encourage them to get lost in God’s love. If you are unsure of what this is yourself, take some time to encounter God’s magnificent and breathtaking love. In return, this love will naturally spill over into every area of your life.

Quite possibly you have been reading this series on how to share with your children about sex, but your children, or even you, have already made different choices with your sexuality than you would have wanted. There is so much grace. If your kids are still young, I encourage you to implement the things in this series but do so in a way that focuses on captivating their hearts. Empower your children to make powerful choices and let them know that you trust them and believe in them. You can give them a purity ring, but without captivating their hearts first, this will merely be a relic. I am so thankful that my parents were open with me about sexuality. If I could add one thing, however, it would simply be to share more about God’s grace. I am still making wise choices, but I am now doing it from a place of love versus servitude.

Personally, I am realizing more and more about how purity is a gift. Perhaps this gift will one day bring freedom to another and demonstrate grace in a tangible way. While I may not know who I will end up with and what their story is like, I know the Author of every story and am beginning to understand, for the first time, what everyone’s story is truly about…

The discovery of enter GRACE that leads us directly into the Fathers embrace through the Sons sacrifice.

Perhaps, instead of viewing purity as “saving myself”, I can now begin to let thankfulness rise up in my heart for the One that has truly saved me.

 

Courtney Werner graduated with a degree in Psychology. She is a self-taught artist from San Diego and is constantly looking for new creative outlets. Courtney has always enjoyed art but recently decided to pursue it with a bit more vigor. In addition to painting, she also dabbles with writing, interior design, DIY projects, and composing music.

Let’s Talk Sex – Unpack Your Baggage For the Health of Your Marriage & Family

everyone-you-meet-comes-with-baggage

We all enter marriage with personal baggage. This baggage can greatly impede the health of a marriage. As pre martial counselors, my husband and I have been amazed by how many couples are clueless to how their past affects them. We have seen firsthand the scars that were created from previous physical, emotional and sexual abuse. These scars are real and are often in need of healing. An individual with sexual sin, for instance, will unknowingly carry shame into the relationship if it is not addressed beforehand. Premarital counseling is a great place to begin to unpack the baggage and establish healthy communication skills. follow These same skills are extremely important when parents begin to talk to their children about sexual integrity.

While this does not always happen, it is beneficial for a couple to discuss their understanding of sex before having children. Decide together what you desire your kids to know about sex and when and how you would like to tell them. Together create a value statement such as, “We desire our kids to know that sex is a good gift from God to be used in the context of marriage.” It is important that children understand the beauty and boundaries of God’s gift. If your children are older it’s never to late to start. Oftentimes, however, our own insecurities can keep us from sharing. In that case, now is the time to begin to deal with those insecurities. These insecurities often include:

  • Being uncomfortable with your own sexuality – how we were taught or not taught about sex.
  • We’ve not built a solid foundation or strong relationship with our children and now feel it’s too late.  Regardless of their age or the past, it’s NEVER too late to start building this relationship.
  • Current sexual addiction, an affair of the heart, etc. fosters shame and hypocrisy to make you feel unqualified to talk to your children.
  • Many parents today also fear that their own current or past sexual sins may disqualify them from speaking to their children with authority. Past failures must not prevent you from calling your child to the standard of God’s word.  We’ve all lied but we still teach our children to tell the truth.
  • FEAR that you don’t have all the answers. source site You don’t have to be an expert just be real and honest.  It’s ok to say, “great question, I don’t know but I’ll get back to you.”
  • Fear you will encourage unhealthy behavior or experimentation.
  • My kids will not listen to me.
  • I didn’t learn about sex from my parents and I turned out okay.

Before talking to your child about sex, it is helpful to http://planb.ba/?search=cheap-viagra-in-usa vardenafil consegna gratuita source be aware of the other sources they are likely to encounter information from. These sources include media, friends, school curriculum, magazine covers, billboards, etc…

With the onslaught of sexual messages, it is not advised to just wing the conversation.

Have ongoing open communication with your child early on. Talk about the importance of God’s standards when you sit at home, as you drive all over town carpooling, when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:7).  Teaching our children is a 24/7 job. Don’t forget you have two ears for a reason so remember to listen more than you offer advice. Talking and listening are very important but not enough. Be available. It is extremely helpful to spend regular time together and to do things with your child as they need to know they can come to you with their questions.

find viagra without prescription Resources to help you become a more informed sex educator 😉 for your child:

I know there are numerous resources available.  I’ve listed items I am familiar with and that I have used to educate myself with and I encourage you to do the same. drug interactions viagra and warfarin Please share recommended resources so we can learn from one another.  

Let’s Talk Sex – Purity Guide for Your Eyes – Navigating Our Sexually Saturated World

So many helpful resources. These are just a few from our library.

So many helpful resources. These are just a few from our library.

The last few days I have been busy preparing to give a talk entitled “How to Teach Your Children About Sex.” I have truly enjoyed the process of gathering information, as I know the gravity of sharing accurate and specific information with my daughters and others. Today I’m excited to share this information with a group of women who attend a private school here in Austin.  I am a gatherer and giver of information. The process and preparation has helped me to reevaluate if I am on track with our youngest Cayley.  Thankfulness overwhelms me as I consider the choices my older daughters have made and continue to make in regards to dating, purity, modesty, etc… They both are incredible role models.

Caryn (24) and Courtney (22) both learned about sex when I became pregnant with their sister Cayley who is a decade younger than them. Home education has many benefits, one of which is using teachable moments. As such, I ended up creating my own sex education curriculum using the Miracle of Life DVD, a pregnancy journal with the baby’s weekly development, doctors appointments, and misc. books. Their life lesson concluded in the delivery room at 4am on April 6th 2001 when Cayley made her grand entrance into the world.

Recently I have had several interesting conversations with one of my daughters regarding sex. She ended up thanking me for being open, approachable, and honest in regards to talking to her about sex at an early age. It is sad how many young people are uninformed.

Be sure to sign up on my landing page to receive your copy of the Purity Guide for Your Eyes, Navigating Our Sexually Saturated World.  TVsubscribe I’ve prepared this resource to help others make informed decisions regarding media, gaming, and music choices.  I’ve included internet lingo and shorthand for your benefit.  Plus, since as parents we all desire to protect our children from stumbling across inappropriate sites, I’ve include a list of Internet filter providers and wireless providers.  This is an up to date and comprehensive guide.

Oh! Be Careful little eyes what you see.

Below are a few of the facts I came across on Media Wise Choices

  • More than 80% of popular teen TV shows contain sexual content.
  • 70% of content once considered “R” rated now appears in PG-13 movies.
  • Teens exposed to more sexual content in TV, movies, and music tend to have sex at younger ages and to engage in risky sex.
  • 59 million kids, aged 2-17, regularly play video games. One out of seven shows signs of an addiction. One out of three boys admitted that they feel addicted.
  • Research shows that media violence has not just increased in quantity; it has also become more graphic, sexual, and sadistic.
  • The average child who watches 2 hours of cartoons per day may see more than 10,000 violent acts every year.
  • 55% of teens have a social networking profile on a site like Facebook or MySpace.
  • 64% of online teens say that most of them do things online that they would not want their parents to know about.
  • Over 40% of preteens and teens surveyed said they have encountered nudity and pornography on the Internet.
  • The majority of users of online pornography are 12-17 year old boys.
  • MySpace, a site popular with tweens and teens, reported that it had identified and removed 29,000 convicted sex offenders caught using the site.
  • One in five children will be approached by a sexual predator online.

This is the first of five+ posts to help you navigate through talking to your child(ren) about sex. I will include age specific posts with key topics to present along with recommended resources for each developmental stage.  So come back to visit. Be sure not to miss any by signing up to receive the series in your inbox.  Blessings.