50+ Ways To Love Your Lover

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It’s interesting how we often express love to others the way we desire to receive love ourselves. What makes one person feel loved is not necessarily going to make another person feel loved. Gary Chapman wrote the best selling book “The Five Love Languages.”  He describes five basic ways for expressing or experiencing love: Service, Time and attention, Touch, Gifts, and Words.

My husband is very touchy, not surprisingly, his primary love language is physical touch. Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex speak volumes to him.  Nothing communicates love to Jon like physical touch.

Fate would have it that physical touch is at the bottom of my needs spectrum so I’ve had to learn to speak his love language consistently to meet his need.  We have a special kiss we begin and end our day with as well as when we part and reunite.

Gifts are my primary love language so I was always buying Jon thoughtful cards, gifts, etc..  Even today, with my friends and children, I get excited when I hear something they desire because later I will buy it and give it to them. Buying gifts is my way of saying not only am I’m thinking about you but here is something thoughtful to show you.  Imagine my disappointment when Jon, early on in our marriage, did not reciprocate. Honestly, it’s really not the gift I receive but the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind a gift.  These days he will occasionally surprise me with an orchid, my favorite coffee drink or the gift of time.

Dr. Gary Chapman said, “There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand.  I call it the gift of self or the gift of presence.  Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the on whose primary love language is receiving gifts.” 

Unfortunately, we both still miss the mark communicating love to each other but thankfully we keep getting better with practice. The “How Do You Spell Love?” Exercise has helped us and others to better express love to one another.  We were introduced to this exercise via Dudley Bienvenu in his workbook “Married Happily Ever After?”

For my birthday this year, Jon didn’t make time to shop for a gift so there was not a special, thoughtful gift for me to open on my actual birthday. As I was preparing this, we both had to laugh as I read aloud from the chapter on gifts that “A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous.” So true as the day after my birthday Jon went shopping for me and bought some hasty gifts. I think he now has a better appreciation to my reaction. I confess I could have been more gracious.

What’s your Love Language?

Take the on-line assessment by clicking here to decipher what your Love Language is. Be sure to get your spouse to take the assessment and if you have children I encourage you to have them take it so you can understand theirs as well.

Discover 50+ practical ways to love your lover. Learn how to best express their love language by following the instructions of the appropriate document below:

Please let me know if you found this helpful.  What new insights did you receive?

 

 

Lovingly Lavishly, Let The Journey Begin

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Since 2011 I have been on an intense love journey.  My desire has been to be an authentic and over the top lover of others. This quest has driven me to better understand what love is and isn’t in order to love well. Earnestly I’ve petitioned God to reveal love to me only to see some extraordinary exhibits of love by others. Love is not merely an emotions it’s an action.  I’ve come to realize that the key to finding joy in loving others is found in giving it away without any strings attached or hidden expectations. Ha! it’s amazing how when we focus on loving others we receive so much more in relationships. This search has lead me to read various books about love.

  • The Bible, searching out the various verses on love
  • Love Is A Decision by Gary Smalley
  • Love Does by Bob Goff
  • Love Is A Verb and The Five Love Languages by Gray Chapman
  • Crazy Love Francis Chan
  • Compelled by Love by Heidi and Roland Baker

If you have any recommendations please share them with us.

One book that has resonated with me and I’m actually reading it a third time, is Love As A Way of Life, Seven Keys to Transforming Every Aspect of Your Life by Gary Chapman. Wow! I have found so much to glean from this book.   On 2/5/14 I began a book study with the precious moms group I am humbled to share life with.  Also my twelve-year-old daughter and I are going through the book together.  My hope is others will join me on this journey sharing their insights, why?

Love is applicable and transcends ALL of our relationships.

Dr. Chapman identifies the following seven characteristics of a loving person.  I will delve into each character trait focusing on two traits monthly giving some time to implement each trait. I hope you will share your stories.

  • Kindness – February
  • Patience – March
  • Forgiveness – March
  • Courtesy – April
  • Humility – April
  • Generosity – May
  • Honesty – May

Many life stories of ordinary folks are included in each chapter to show how simple it is to love others. Please share your personal stories at Loving Lavishly. You will also find practical ideas on how to develop these characteristics in your own life and I am certain we each have practical ideas to share at Loving Lavishly  It’s easy to read a book and feel discouraged or inadequate but I encourage you to seek God.  Allow Him to highlight the areas where growth could take place. We are all in process.  I’m still learning and growing myself in so many ways.

Join me over at Loving Lavishly, as I will post notes, stories, quotes, and more importantly hope others will share act of lavishly loving others. Together let’s grow in love.

In the book you will find that each chapter contains the following:

  • Questionnaire to challenge you to think through how each traits is shown in your life.
  • Definition is given of each character trait in the context of authentic love.
  • Habits to acquire provides various ways ideas of how to practically apply a particular trait.
  • Competitors are the various things that work against us loving well, such as our emotions, weaknesses, circumstances, etc..
  • What would your relationship be life if … This section is found at the end of each chapter and designed to help you consider how small changes in your relationships can provide positive results.
  • Making it Personal are reflective questions as well as practical ways to implement a character trait.  This is where I hope we will share ways we are being a more loving persons through our actions.

So join me over at Loving Lavishly.  Let’s begin to grow in love together in small ways.