Author Archives: cheriewerner

Feb10

An Influential Mother ADMITS When She is Wrong

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An Influential Mother ADMITS When She is Wrong

An Influential Mother: Bible References

Resources

Action Items
Admits when she is wrong and humbly seeks forgiveness and restoration. Ps 32:5; Eph. 4:32;  Rm 3:23; 1 Jn 1:8; Mt 5:9 The Young Peacemakers Series by Ken Sande Go to your children and ask them if there is anything you need to apologize for.What mistakes would you like to change as a parent?

 









If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8

Several years ago I shared with some moms the ABC’s of being an influential mother.  Great information but an overload of content. How about if I share one principle and expand upon it weekly?  This will give you time to apply the principle.

Currently I am taking Cayley, my daughter (10), through the Young Peacemakers Series. This is a resource that I highly recommend for every family as it teaches children (and moms) how to respond to conflict God’s way.  We are going through about one booklet a week. I appreciate how when we struggle I can ask her, “Cayley, what is causing the quarrels between us? Is it that you want your way and you don’t get it?”

We have learned what conflict is and how to respond to it. It’s easy to learn but, oh my, putting it into practice can be hard but is worth the effort from my experience.  I went through this same material with Caryn (23) and Courtney (21) when they were also ten. I even took some 5th/6th grade Sunday School girls though it and saw wonderful results.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  

The first step to resolving conflict in a way that pleases God is to ADMIT (confess) what you did was wrong, then take responsibility for your sinful choices.  This seems like an easy thing to do but honestly this was an area where I struggled for years as I felt being wrong was a weakness. However, the harder I tried to be perfect the more mistakes I made and this created frustration.  It didn’t help that I grew up in a home where I can probably count on my hands the number of times I heard an apology given.  My family dynamic was that parents are always right and must be in control.

I learned that its best to be real with my daughters, as the bible says we ALL sin and fall short of God’s glory. Romans 3:23  Some of the mistakes I have made with my girls were: being too harsh, being busy, getting angry, responding out of stress, being negative, being fearful, etc… Yes I have blown it on many occasions but I am so grateful that my sins DO NOT define me.

Big or small, everyone blows it now and then. One of the best admissions you’ll ever make to your child is, “I was wrong; I’m sorry; will you forgive me?” Trust me you will have an attentive audience.  Our children do not desire perfect mothers, only real ones.   Be transparent with your kids.  Let them know you are NOT perfect and share your short comings.  When our children see that we are truly humble, it is a lot easier for their hearts to be receptive and shaped by convictions that we share with them.  Righting a wrong involves more than just saying “sorry” (use the 5A’s found in Young Peacemakers Series) You must admit what you did wrong, apologize for how your choices affected others, accept the consequences, ask for forgiveness, and alter your choices in the future.  Lastly, make restitution, if necessary.   Remember, children learn more from watching and we are setting an example.  Lastly, when apologizing to small children, it helps to get down to their level and look them in the eye.

 

Jan30

A RICH Marriage

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A RICH Marriage

Four things I’ve learned over the years to cultivate a R. I. C. H. marriage.
(My notes from talk given at the Colorado Wholeheart Mom Conference 1/13/12)

Respect – In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “a wife must respect her husband.” I begin here because I wish I had known the value of respecting my sweet husband earlier in our marriage. I had been taught that respect was something you must earn. I wanted Jon to be the “spiritual leader” as that is what Christian husbands were suppose to be ☺ Ladies, do you know what it takes to be a leader? A Follower. And I honestly struggled with following. Many times I found myself running ahead of Jon.

I thought disrespect was yelling, belittling, hitting, or treating someone in a horrible way. However, some of the ways I showed Jon disrespect was challenging his decisions, correcting him in front of our girls, and always having an opinion. In my best efforts to inspire him I would often lecture on how to be healthier, how to be a better father, how to run his company better, the need to be involved with the girls schooling, the need to not work such long hours, etc… Many times I didn’t have to say a word to show my disrespect simply by giving him the look, crossing my arms, pouting, and slamming a door. Basically, whatever Jon was doing was not good enough. Unknowingly I was withholding respect thus he began withholding love so ever so slowly we began drifting apart and isolating. We finally went to counseling in 2005 because our older daughters approached Jon to say they felt our marriage was loveless. They noted that we rarely laughed, held hands or were affectionate towards one another. Marriage should be a reflection of Christ’s love & relationship with the church. We are called to be His image bearer. Obviously we were not bringing glory to God through our marriage. We got along very well but operated more as business partners than marriage partners. During a counseling session we had to confess ways we felt we had offended the other and I was convicted I needed to share the topic of disrespect. Jon was surprised, as he never really thought about his need for respect. I now believe that deep within all men is the need to be respected. After all, why would Paul say to wives “respect your husbands?” I listed all the ways I felt I had disrespected Jon over the years and he was emotionally overwhelmed. This was a huge turning point in our marriage.

Respecting Jon means affirming, noticing, encouraging, honoring, preferring, and esteeming him. Do I bless, praise, love and admire him? Respect means to value his opinion, to admire his strength, intellect, wisdom, and character and to appreciate his commitment to and involvement with our family and me. Wives should ask their husbands what respect looks like for them.

Investment/intentionality – We should be intentional. The more you are willing to invest the more you will get back. Make your marriage a priority. Our pastor once said, “you shouldn’t date to get married, you should get married to date!” When Jon is in town we try to have a date night/day weekly and an occasional weekend get away without the children.
o We purposed early in our marriage to invest every other year into our marriage. Some ways we have done so have been:
o Attending a marriage conference/seminar. It’s better to be proactive than reactive.
o Reading a book on marriage together.
o Praying together.
o Finding ways to serve one another.
o Participating in a group study related to marriage.
o These days we lead other couples through pre-martial counseling. We are responsible to share what God has taught us.
o Being mentored by an older/wiser couple.
o KEY: preventative maintenance is less costly than legal fees. Don’t let pride or your ego get in the way of asking for help. Godly counsel with accountability is invaluable if needed.
o Divorce was never an option. Adopt the attitude that until death do us part. Never use the D word. This understanding has helped us during the hard times. We are helpmates. As we have weathered the various storms of our marriage we realize that it was during the storms we grew closer to God and to each other.

Contentment – Paul said “I have learned to be content in Philippians 4:11” Contentment is a process that one must desire to learn. Would you like to live a life that isn’t dictated by your circumstances? Would you like to be able to say as Paul did, “”I too have learned to be content?
My remedy for contentment is cultivating gratitude. Several years ago I realize that Jon has the job he has, as it is a gift from God. His work is part of his mission field. Cultivating a heart of gratitude has greatly helped me to be content when he has to travel and/or work long hours.

Have FUN – Find new activities to do together. Some of our favorites have been biking, walking, and doing ministry TOGETHER. We are passionate about sharing with couples what we have learned. We enjoy doing ministry together and enjoy serving WholeHearted Ministry by attending their conferences and serving on the Board.

I’ll leave you with a quote by Lila Trotman, widow of Dawson Trotman, the founder of Navigators, which truly resonates with me. “Your husband will never truly be yours until you have first given him back to God. He is yours only when you are willing to let him go wherever God calls him and do what God wants him to do.”

Jan14

Coming Soon: The ABC’s of Being an Influential Mom series.

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Coming Soon: The ABC’s of Being an Influential Mom series.

Once I accepted the challenge of blogging more often the next step was to figure out what I could share that would be of interest to others.  Courtney, my daughter, implored me to share my heart and from my experiences.  Eureka! I’d share from a talk I presented several years ago entitled, The ABC’s of Being an Influential Mom.  Below is what you get to look forward to.

  • A  Admits when she is wrong and humbly seeks forgiveness and restoration.
  • B  Brightly shines as a role model her children desire to follow.  Leads by example knowing more is caught than actually taught.
  • C  Communicates clearly and effectively with her children.
  • …..

Stay tuned.

Jan12

Kind Words Are Powerful and Life Giving

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Kind Words Are Powerful and Life Giving

My attempt at hipster, diva, princess party (bright clothes)

I found the below ode on my Facebook Wall today written by my daughter. It made me smile, reminisce, and mostly cheered me up; Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.  The photo above was taken on 1/7/12 for Courtney’s 21st birthday party.  The birthday invitation said, “dress up as a hipster, princess, diva.”  So I wore bright colors :-)  Fun times with my girls (Caryn, Cayley, & Courtney) who all keep me young.

WELL, I wanted to write a little ode to my sweet mama, Cherie Werner, because she is such a natural cutie and fun human. By Courtney Werner

Here it goes:

With a twinkle in her eyes, she loves to have fun.

My sweet little mama is such a favored one.

Brown spunky hair and colorful clothes,

My sweet little mama knows how to get all dressed up from her head to her toes.

Baristas adore her,

And people implore of her… sage wisdom,

Because MY sweet little mama knows how to welcome any and everyone.

She is hospitable and great,

My Sweet little mama has lots of amiable traits.

I am proud for anyone to meet her,

My sweet little mama is a true keeper.

Jan9

Happy 21st Birthday Courtney

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Happy 21st Birthday Courtney

Birthdays are a BIG event in our home :-)  I love to celebrate life and today we celebrated the life of Courtney who turned 21, she is gift to our family.  So how do we celebrate birthdays? We have we several traditions.  Some of our birthday traditions include the “birthday person” getting to pick what they want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and eating on the “You Are Special” red plate.  As our girls have grown they can also pick a favorite restaurant.  We play the Birthday Song by the Beatles and dance together.  Lastly, to honor the person we share what we appreciate about them as the spoken word breathes life.  

What family traditions does your family have? These are the glue that shape your family by creating a sense of unity, warmth and closeness. Traditions create memories that fill your mind with belonging, peace, love, joy, and security. 

It’s hard to believe 21 years have already gone by so Courtney in honor of your special day I want to share twenty-one things I appreciate about you. 

0) You believe in others and encourage them.  You challenged me to blog more often and said, “everyone has something to share.” So here I go :-)

1) You are wise 

2) Your love for Jesus SHINES brightly because you put Him first

3) You love your family & friends well, thus you are loyal

4) You have a way about you that makes everyone feel that they are really important

5) You are a gifted listener

6) You don’t take sides, and know there are two sides to every situation. As Cayley said, “she listens and then will respond so what do you think you should do?” “Do I need to hear this or should you go to the person?”

7) You are a peacemaker

8) Wow! you are so creative musically and artistically 

9) You are enthusiastic 

10) You are passionate 

11) You know who you are spiritually and operate in that truth

12) You are a learner thankfully as you are reading about a book weekly

13) You are a gifted writer

14) You are adventurous and go where God is leading you even when it might not make sense to others

15) You are a Jesus follower not a people pleaser

16) You go deep with a few verses trying to be everything to everyone

17) You understand there are seasons in life

18) You are a giver of life by speaking life into people, even people you don’t know.  I still remember the first time I was with you and you went up to someone you didn’t know to tell them how precious they were to God.  It brought tears to my eyes.

19) You are not afraid to share Gods love with others and live to see His name proclaimed

20) You are beautiful inside and out.  Your smile is so welcoming and breaks down barriers others may have.

21) You are my daughter and I am so proud of all you have become and how you continue to grow more beautiful with each passing year. I Love you and will miss you as you head back to California tomorrow.

Happy 21st birthday, on your actual day with just a few minutes to spare ;-)

Jan2

Do you live in the PEACE that God promises you?

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Do you live in the PEACE that God promises you?
 

 

God's Promise

 

God’s Promise

As moms we tend to worry about our children’s health and safety from the time we conceive them until they are grown adults. When they are young we fear they will catch some sort of illness, run into the road after a ball, fall to their death, etc…. Once they learn to drive, a whole new set of fears can encapsulate us especially when they miss curfew.

My older daughters have traveled on various mission trips to places I can only dream about (Africa, India, Albania, Thailand). I could fear they would catch some sort of diseases, that they would encounter hostility from the native people, or fear for their safety etc… Thankfully, years ago, God through various trials had me come to the realization that fear was a sin because ultimately I was not trusting Him. You know what? God does a much better job protecting and caring for our children than we ever could.

Austin had it’s 1st homicide of 2012 right next door to where my daughters have lived for the past three years on King St. which is a nice quite street not to far from the UT campus. They weren’t home New Year’s day as they have been staying with us for the Christmas holidays but imagine the shock of their roommate when detectives woke her early Sunday morning asking questions and then informing her about the murder. Needless to say, the news being so close to them makes them reexamine how they do things such as being alone in the house, being out late at night, etc. I think they need to take healthy precautions but not live in fear as it could paralyze them and rob them of joy.

Last year, while Caryn and Courtney were in India they were in a crazy car accident that could have been life changing and it in ways it was, as they walked away unharmed knowing more personally that God is their protector. Someone said, “I’d rather be in India in the will of God, than in Austin, not in His will.”

I really like Philippians 4:8. It’s my antidote for fear which many years ago would consume me. I wasted lots of time fearing things I didn’t need to be thinking about. Things such as “what if ….” or “if only ….” I like what Linda Dillow, author of Calm My Anxious Heart, has said about fear, “fear is like a rocking chair which rocks back and forth but never gets you anywhere.” When I am living in fear I am not trusting God.

I am thankful that I can trust God with ALL details related to the health and safety of my daughters. I know God is with us in every situation as seen in Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you. Also in Psalm 73:23-24 I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory.

My heart goes out to the family, friends, and students of this young lady whose life was tragically taken. I am trusting police will quickly find who is responsible and for justice be served. More importantly as moms may we live in the peace God promises us.

Dec31

2011 Year End Greetings

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2011 Year End Greetings

Jon @jonw

What a blessing it has been to have our family together under one roof for the Christmas Holidays! I continue to enjoy working at adidas and the freedom to think up new ideas. To sum up 2011 I would have to say: I. Drove. A. Lot. Cherie has summarized the details in her section plus I’ve run out of room to add anything else J

Cherie cherie@thewerners.org http://thewerners.org/ (I hope to blog monthly in 2012)

2011 – WOW! Where did the year go, seriously?  This month has found me in my “mom “ element soaking up precious time with all 3 girls.  Courtney has filled the home with beautiful music playing the piano. Cayley has enjoyed every moment with her sisters.  God willing on 1/10/12, the day after Courtney turns 21, she will head back to San Diego, Caryn will leave for Thailand, and Jon travels to Las Vegas on a business trip.

It is with a full and grateful heart that I reflect on 2011.   Jon said, “ya’all should just go visit my facebook page (http://facebook.com/Cherie.Werner) ” For those not online here are a few highlights:  Jon and I continue to be honored as we participate in premarital counseling and this year we witnessed three beautiful ceremonies.  I’m blessed through my participation with WholeHearted Ministry http://www.wholeheart.org/ so it is always a highlight to attend the mom conference in Jan. and Feb.  Uncle August and Tante Eli from Norway visited us in March along with Jon’s parents.  Cayley turned 10 on April 6th and to celebrate, her two grandmothers, Jon and & I surprised her by making her dreams come true at Disney World which was a first for all of us.  Towards the end of April we drove to LA for a Bienvenu family reunion on my side of the family.  Courtney graduated Summa Cum Laude from Grand Canyon University in May J  June 1st Jon & I celebrated 26 years of marriage with my in-laws (51 years).  Jon, Courtney, Cayley & I left Austin on June 9 and drove to Kansas City, Denver, then played for a week in the Grand Tetons & Yellowstone National Parks where I was captivated by God’s incredible handiwork. We arrived in Portland, OR July 1st where Cayley & I vacationed while Jon worked until the end of September. What fun it was to have our older daughters, parents, and friends (the Brandt’s) visit us in Portland. Of course we also took many weekend trips to many surrounding areas (Pacific Coast, Seattle, Bend, etc). Living in Portland was fabulous as we escaped the 3-month heat wave in Austin. It was delightful to get back into our Austin home mid October and then the holidays quickly arrived.  We made a whirlwind trip In November to visit family in LA/TX sharing three different Thanksgivings.  Caryn graduated from UT in December J and then we headed to Waikiki Beach to celebrate and steal time away as a family.  It has been nice to be together this month.  I think we drove well over 7000 miles by car and I’m unsure how many air miles.  With each passing year I am more appreciative of the little things (time together as a family, health, friendships near and far, etc).  On Thursday we attended the touching memorial service of Ben Breedlove, an inspiring and brave young man whose death has made global news.  As Christ came at Christmas to give life to those who believe, Ben died on Christmas and his videos have touched millions of lives reminding them of the precious gift of life they have here on earth as well as the eternal life they can have to look forward to. Here’s his link in case you haven’t seen it.   http://www.youtube.com/user/TotalRandomness512

caryn caryn@thewerners.org http://c2wphotography.com/

my life has been (and always will be) full of adventures. i suppose you can say that is my preferred way of living. :)

this year’s adventures included:

-traveling the first 2 weeks of january in india with some of my best friends.

-spending the summer in albania with the romas and gypsies.

-graduating from the university of texas.

-having my first photo exhibit displaying work from my summer with the romas.

-spending Christmas with my fam bam in hawaii

-and now i am getting ready to take a month-long trip to thailand.

life is beautiful and i am having so much fun being alive! since graduating, the number one question i have been asked is “what now!?” maybe i will work with a non-profit or the UN as a photographer overseas or maybe i will just be a coffee barista. haha i have no stinkin’ clue. however, what i DO know is that i will be loving people and loving life wherever God has me–and that is a good enough answer for now. :) i pray 2012 is full of adventure and joy for you and your families! much much loveeeeee!

Courtney courtney@thewerners.org http://courtneywerner.wordpress.com/

This past year I have experienced life in many different places. I spent a couple weeks in India at the beginning of the year, a few months back in Austin after traveling the semester before, some time in Kansas City, Wyoming and Portland with the family, over a month in Pennsylvania with friends, a week in Atlanta helping lead a SCPx (Student Church Planting Experience: http://scpx.org/), a few days in Ohio, and then a couple weeks back in Austin before I moved to San Diego for the remainder of the year in September. In the midst of all of this travel I graduated from Grand Canyon University in June with a degree in Psychology.

Currently I am doing an internship, for lack of a better word, in San Diego through Origins, which is a campus ministry at UCSD. In essence, I am reading a book a week with five others, am learning from the wonderful people that are part of Origins, and am getting more hands on experience in church planting, spiritual family, identity, and evangelism to name a few. I hope to come out of this with a better understanding of what it looks to see the Kingdom lived out in daily life. One of my biggest dreams is to see the Kingdom of Heaven continue to invade earth in every sphere of society. I have seen glimpses of this and long to see even more. It is a beautiful thing to see lives radically transformed by the love of God. Love really is enough.

I wish I could divulge the amazingness of this year n full, but hopefully you got a glimpse of what transpired. Words are not adequate to describe how crazy this year was. All I can say is that I am happy. I love where God has me in this present moment in time. I don’t know what comes next, but I feel content with the unknown, because it will soon greet me with friendly answers and surprises. It always does.

 

Cayley cayley@thewerners.org

I’ve been dragged all around the United States seeing really cool things I’ll remember forever while Mom tried to sneak in some home schooling. I’ve enjoyed spending time with my big sisters all of December.  I enjoy playing with my American Girl dolls, being a mother’s helper, and am always ready for adventure. I’m learning to play the guitar and piano as well as taking voice lessons, as I really like to sing.  It was fun taking cooking, sewing, and an Apple computer class this summer.  I can’t wait to see what we are going to do in 2012 J

 

Jul3

First full week in Portland

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First full week in Portland

 

We moved into our swanky apartment (per Courtney) a week ago Saturday.  I can not lie it’s pretty sweet being on the 19th floor having floor to ceiling windows. I’ve enjoyed watching the sun set in the evening around 9:30pm as we have a westerly view.  Thank you Adidas for for the opportunity to vacation and escape the Texas summer heat.

Our address is 430 SW 13th Avenue, Portland OR 97205      Below photo is a view from the roof top (23 floor) looking out towards Mt. Hood.

 

Courtney flew back to PA early Tuesday morning so Cayley and I began a semi school routine where we plan to do school three morning a week followed by afternoon field trips. We joined the OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry).  They currently have on exhibit Narnia, where one can see creatures, genuine artifacts, and costumes from the movie which was nicely done.  Any time you are in a new city there is so much to see and do which we plan to take full advantage of. This week I’ve purchased, “Portland Happy Hour Guidebook,” “Best Places in Portland,” “Out and About with Kids,” “Portland City Walking Tours.”  Yes, I am ready to have fun.  I have also managed to incorporated home economics into our summer as I signed Cayley up for a week long cooking class this month and a sewing class next month.  What excites me most of all is the physical exercise we get almost daily as we walk everywhere given it’s more efficient and I am terrified to drive here.  In fact we are managing to walk 5 miles daily.  My secret?  If Cayley walks 4 miles without complaining she gets a token worth $3 that she can use to do activities she wants i.e. Children’s museum, bike rentals, movies, etc… How do I measure our daily distance?  I use FitBit www.fitbit.com which keeps track of my distance. My husband & Cayley bought me this for Mothers Day and I have truly enjoyed using it as it is my motivator.

The other cool thing about Portland beside the weather :-) as I actually find 60 degrees cold and must always wear a jacket, are the many farmer markets.  One can buy fresh produce, preserves, flowers, etc…  We are literally two blocks from Whole Foods so we walk there to get our groceries also.

Of course there are the many weird things about Portland.  Sadly it has a huge homeless population of old and young alike.  Jon thought he was watching a man in the park do tai chi and then realized after the man fell over and could get up that he was actually wasted. Yesterday we were walking and a young man kept yelling, “I don’t need knowledge, I just want to find my friend.”

We are only a week into our adventure so everything seems so exciting but I do miss home, friends, and familiarity.  It helps to know that Caryn will be arriving noonish on Thursday for two weeks.  Yes, Caryn returns from Albania tomorrow so if you think of her keep her in your prayers.  Having Courtney for two weeks and soon Caryn certainly has been a blessing in so many ways especially for Cayley as she is creating special sister time with each of them individually.

Trusting you will have a Happy 4th of July.

 

May27

I’m so proud of this young lady

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I’m so proud of this young lady

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This is a celebratory weekend as Courtney is graduating from Grand Canyon University.  Needless to say we are very proud of all of our daughters but this weekend is about Courtney who is our first to graduate from college. Courtney is graduating at the age of 20 with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology,  Summa Cum Laude (this means she’s really smart). Courtney’s determination and dedication these past few years have be inspiring to me.  I’m not sure she knows it but I think she’s a really wise person.  She is a great writer and I enjoy reading her blog confessions of an x-introvert.  She also has a mesmerizing voice and is a budding musician. Check her out on YouTube

 

In August she will be  moving to San Diego where she will be participating in an internship with Origins on the campus of UC San Diego.  She will be sorely missed. However I am excited about going to visit her as San Diego is one of my top three favorite places to be. Congratulations Courtney, I am so proud of you and know God has amazing plans for your life.

 

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